REGRETS

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

Up until recently I have had too many regrets.But to carry every single regret every single day of my existence was too cumbersome? Too much weight to carry. I just put all into a box marked “PAST”. Then placed the box in the garage up on a rafter. GONE

To carry so much of things I could never change is too much weight upon my shoulders. It felt like I was free once I said goodbye to the box. There are still a few more regrets I am working through….

The camcorder along with several 8mm tapes containing videos of my kids is almost ready. I regret having them so why keep anything related? Then maybe that regret still needs work? They were a selfish decision on my part. I regret not actually going through with the appointments to terminate for 2 of 3. Only 1 was actually planned……. I have lived in the pain of rejection of 2 because of the ONE who is mentally ill. The 2 blame me for her crazy? Even tho she is an adult. They made the decision to remain away from me because of any relationship I may have in the past with the crazy one. Yet after her last episode I said “NO MORE”. I learned the hard way to stay away from the crazy one because she has motives. Like she wants my house, car and belongings? She did that once… we allowed her to sublet our apartment and use our belongings…. Soon enough my small appliances began to disappear. So she f’cked me once but twice? Not happening. Everything about her is a giant regret?

So I guess my BIGGEST regret is having children. PERIOD It was a very selfish self centered choice on my part. Always the woman’s choice? Regrets are all I have….and that stupid camcorder with the tapes. I said I was going to give it to a friend to dispose of. As of yet I have not. Another regret? Once I let go of the camera and tapes the regret will also be gone. I hope?? I’ll have regrets over the regrets.

But the stretch marks? forever.