My Personal DIY

Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

Me the most ambitious DIY ever!! (It’s long but from my alleged heart.) A rose handed to me at my Mother’s funeral. Instantly I knew what it meant. I was finally free of the woman who hated me more than I did her. She was dead. My mother was left to fend for herself alone in her house as dementia claimed her mind. She was not given the option of skilled care. Her house was that important. Allegedly The state could take the house in lieu of payment. Greed. Allegedly

They allegedly had a plan on the will estate. Allegedly Surprisingly I was added into after my father was bullied into removing me. Allegedly scheming allegedly dishonest allegedly and never intended to share the estate with me. Allegedly. Two years in and still without an actual “lawyer” I am doing just fine. I know my way to the law library and still have a few tricks up my sleeve in the courthouse.

I understand why she did what mom did. She had her very own Sophie’s Choice moment. She chose one and threw me away into the garbage caldron. Spending my life trying desperately to find “my family” failed in every way, epically.

Getting that rose 🌹 was a joke. Did the alleged giver actually think I was an idiot? Yes. Did he believe every single word from my daughter? Yes. My daughter was stolen and alienated from me by my mother. My daughter has mental illnesses; borderline, manic and a pathological liar. Treatment and medication established were not followed thru.…..she was no longer my child. It was “Stockholm syndrome”. Her only goal in life is to destroy me because my mother could not reach me anymore but she was cruel enough to do it using my child. The lies daughter told were so grand and truly amazing. Her version of my life is as fake as her love for me. Non existent.

I knew I needed professional help. I zipped right through a number of therapists. First I had to understand what my childhood trauma was in order to repair it. Sexual abuse (allegedly) as a child remains alive and present even as an adult. The tragedy is the pain hidden inside. It was the cause of my anxiety, depression and chronic illnesses.

It was anxiety which led me down the path of addiction and recovery. The recovery is the tough part because it can only occur when you are honest with yourself. I mean one hundred percent honest. Not using any drugs. It took years to fully understood what made me tick. The trauma as an adult was drowning. Every once in awhile I was up for air only to return underwater. As a little girl filled with shame because my mother blamed me for being sexually abused. (Allegedly).

Finding my real self happened after I send my daughter away permanently. No more calls, no begging of me to take her back into my home to take care of her and all 6 of her wayward puppies. Technically they were my grandchildren but she used them to hurt me. The day I said NOMORE was the first day of my freedom. There was light at the end of the tunnel. I was no longer drowning! My daughter chose to live in the chaos of untreated mental illness but I didn’t have to live in it too. She was holding me responsible but as an adult.

Finally finding the right therapist who was the absolute best at allowing me to understand what childhood sa does the an adults mind. She also helped me understand how to climb out. Followed by steps to continue on the path of recovery.

Then came the rose🌹. That silly phony Trojan horse was intended to convince me all the trauma that nearly destroyed me was nothing. But it was given not by the brother but by his wife. “Here is a 🌹 now mark your signature here, here and here. I promise this is a fair settlement of the estate. Really. I will not be giving you anything at all because you are not worth it.”

THEFT of A CHILD’s TRUTH is a tragedy! Especially when done by the adults who are weak. My parents were wrong. They failed ALL of their children. As a family we ALL were liars. Allegedly. Remember my sister allegedly who believes she allegedly was allegedly a psychiatrist……IT was her alleged biggest lie. Allegedly

The 🌹 rose is a liar. Like a pig dress it up and make it smell good. It is still a dirty smelly thing who prefers to roll around in swill. Allegedly Sorry to all pigs who do not roll in swill.

If you know me, the real me, I am simple. Daisy’s or Brown Eyed Susan’s are the flowers I love most 🌼 🌻🪻They grow wild and free…… like me?